Nosferatu-Romeo
NOSFERATU-ROMEO
Another murmured moment
Baby murders slowly
Thoughts she thought had died
Went to find another hand
To hold the hammer
Watch your emotions crucified
Said he left you drained and crying
And I'm not surprised you called tonite
Yes I know its very late
But you know that its okay
CHORUS:
Another liar,
Another lover,
Replacement for another
Need that you won't name
-Is it you,
Or is it really
The sweetness of your nightmare that's denied?
Neon lights, will never lead you
Anywhere close enough to love
Selling off your heart so cheap
Won't stop Cinderella's clock before midnight
Candlelight and roses
Dilute the mind these drugs
A hunger is pawing at your heart shaped box
And February pills won't cure the ache
You loan the key to careless hands
Won't you let me break the lock they place
CHORUS:
Another liar,
Another vampire hypnotized you
And tonite another bed has burned your mind
-Is it easy,
Or are you really
This helpless to say no
Before another nosferatu-romeo has you in his hold
Cheaper Lovers and Cheaper Lines will never lead you
Anywhere close enough to love
Open windows, will never leave you
Anywhere close enough to love
Don't you hate the stupid boys
Who only care blonde from red
We could take it to the limit
Only with the softest kiss
Say goodnite at the door
And you'll never feel like this
-Pull you in
To my open ribs
Be close enough to love
Leave the Nosferatu-Romeos
To finally face the burning sun alone
Cause they like to lurk
Nowhere close enough to love
Nosferatu-Romeo (Vampire in German, also a famous movie by the same title that introduced the genre to Americans) is about the people who are bad for us that we just can’t get enough of, as if we always “Fall in Love” with the same demon that has a different name and face. If we aren’t caught in this sick cycle ourselves, we are often surrounded by others who are. The reasons that someone becomes a magnet for pain, abuse, betrayal and neglect are multiple but there is often a pattern to the pain. There is a theory in psychology that our subconscious mind (the part of us that desires but does not reason) is on a desperate mission to recreate our childhood by reassembling the cast of characters in a tragic and tortured screen play, so that we can arrange a better ending for our character this turn around. If this is true, when we have the feeling of having “known someone our entire lives” then perhaps we should run, or when someone’s presence lights our hormones on fire immediately? Sometimes it truly is an “old flame” that is being lit with a new match. This would be where courtship (having those that love us help us choose someone to share our time with an eventually share our lives with) is better for our hearts than dating (having ourselves choose someone to share our time and life with, despite us often not really liking ourselves). The fact remains that we will marry someone we date either through compulsion such as having a child together, or through boredom and acclamation, or through a misguided passion for poison.
“Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.”
Proverbs 26:11
I have observed this theory to be true but I think it goes much deeper than psychology, it goes to our guilt and our fear. Those who are guilty or who feel the weight of their guilt are often afraid to receive anything good from those they have wronged. When we are living our lives “unforgiven” by our Creator, we became ashamed of who we are, we fear receiving anything good, we punish ourselves before He can punish us, even when He wants us to give us good things and not to punish us. We cannot receive love because “Perfect Love Casts Out Fear”, so the transverse must also be true “Perfect Fear Casts Out Love”.
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” 1 John 4:18
Part of the “Nosferatu-Romeo” cycle is that we don’t value ourselves, we believe that someone who treats us well will eventually leave so the only means of having a lasting relationship is to be with someone who doesn’t , or to tolerate things that most other people simply would not. Sometimes we are aware that we believe this, and sometimes it is just the message stitched on our hearts which is there, it is guiding us, but we just can’t see what is beneath our ribs. Part of the “Imago Dei” concept is that if we are created in the Image of Our Creator we will have intrinsic worth and value (why even slaves had rights in the Torah), as even if we do not have value to others we have value to the Creator which Yeshua-Jesus spoke of in the observation of the sparrows. There is an unhealthy or fantasy flip side which you often find in Christian Bookstore, of everyone being “A Princess because my Father is a King” or similar, simply painting a religious face on classic Narcissism. This has led to many divorces over trivial matters and has really ruined the atmosphere of humility in the Church because everyone takes what was written directly concerning King David or the Prophet Jeremiah and makes it applicable to themselves as well, while also dismissing all of the negative things written as well.
There are also other spiritual factors at play, such as the need for danger and excitement, as danger produces excitement and the high risk of harm creates danger in the first place. Relationships become a risk or a game or an adrenaline rush because we see ourselves as the only ones who could be harmed, but we don’t stop to consider the future children we are taking along for this dare devil ride. Then there are complimentary spirits, the abuser spirit is drawn to the victim spirit, the Ahab spirit is pulled into the Jezebel spirit (often anatomically), two addicts will often find they have matching spirits or greedy spirits or whatever they have as even the Kingdom of Darkness cannot function unless it is “equally yoked”.
The hardest part can be for the families of those addicted to “Nosferatu-Romeo’s” and it does seem to have all of the hallmarks of an addiction. The man who comes after the vampire will also have the hardest time. Because the Vampire often received better treatment and more respect than he ever will. Despite all he does that the other guys didn’t, despite all the pain the other guy caused. The good man never seems to measure up. Never seems worthy of what was done, what was sacrificed, what was offered, to the vampire, he can be given not even a portion of it. This can make him very bitter and downcast and to feel cheated and that something must be so terribly wrong with him that even his best is not as good as someone else’s worst. This will also make him definitely make him lose interest in pursuing this or any other woman with his whole heart. He can come to view her and most women as “Hooked on @$$holes”, as an incurable addiction in all girls.
He may eventually surmise that she will is simply not capable of loving him like, even if he is allowed to stick around because he is good for the kids, man who is tolerated but not celebrated or not who she wants but who she needs because of her situation. This is the story of so many of my past relationships and likely of so many of yours. I wish that I had better answers to offer you but at the end of the day, we live in a country that believes “love” if its real love ad worth having, is accompanied by a rush of adrenaline, an immediate and overwhelming attraction, and is followed by a roller coaster of infatuation and tears, the very reactions that narcissists produce in those that are pulled into their circles.
“Nice Guys” do finish last here in this day and age, and most who have happy marriages married someone from a country that watches far fewer Disney Movies and read many less Romance Novels (Emotional Porn) even “Christian” Romance Novels as much of an oxymoron is that is. Nice Guys also have the capacity for a happy marriage however, if they find someone that appreciates their dependability, their honesty, their commitment, their loyalty and their kindness as these are all what make a real marriage work (not just a series of car crash romances).
The monkey wrench however is in the assumption that just because we or any other guys, are not hyper sexual and hyper aggressive, or completely inconsiderate of other people or absolutely unreliable or overtly arrogant, that we are true “Nice Guys”. Some believe themselves to be “Nice Guys” when in reality, they are just indirect instead of direct, Passive Aggressive instead of Overtly Aggressive and find someone that can need them instead of someone that can love them, that look for need instead of character, which is all highly manipulative, not “Nice” at all.
Perhaps if men and women both sought to be pursued by or to become “Good Men” instead of the “Bad Boys” or the “Nice Guys” we would have our hearts left intact by the time we did reach marriage. Attraction takes time if it based on Character and not a Sub-Conscious pull towards disaster like an emotional/sexual whirlpool dragging in doomed ship. Relationship takes time, and while it does fill a need it should also fill a heart and a longing and lifetime, instead of just drifting off when the temporary need (like for a new dad or legitimate sex or for household income or for a cook or a nanny) is all played out and there is nothing left.
In the words of the band Train “I promise to, sing to you, when all the music dies”
Paul Coughlin’s works “No More Christian Nice Guy” and “No More Christian Nice Girl” are both very helpful reads in this area.
Dr. William Glasser’s “New Identity Society” addresses the subconscious issue.
Prayer for Victims of Nosferatu-Romeos
and Nosferatu Juliettes
Creator of Real Love
We ask you to restore our Hopes that Love can be Better
We ask you to come into our Cynicism and give it better Dreams
We ask you to come into our Romanticism and give it a new Reality
We ask you to come into our History and give it a new Future
We ask you to come into our Future and give it old Hopes
We ask that you Mend our Hearts which adore their own Killers and hate their own Surgeons
We ask that you Reprogram our Minds which were Set to Self-Destruct
We ask that these Butterflies finally flutter to the Sound of the Truth and not Lies
We ask that no more Nosferatu Romeo’s or Nosferatu Juliette’s have us in their Hold
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears ADONAI will be praised.”
Proverbs 31:30
Resources: “Captivating” by Stasi Eldredge
Exodus Cry because every person should be freewww.exoduscry.com
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